In The Lord of the Ring Dings, Sam and Dodo must overcome the evil Lord Sorehead, the nasty Sorry-Man,
and a host of product placements to reach Door-Door and destroy the Ring Ding of Power. It’s like The Lord of the Rings movies except the budget is lower and you won’t need 10 hours to finish it.
There’s kind of a love story as Oregon courts Liv Tyler and Gimpley the dwarf woos the ladies of Middling-earth (both of them). The Elvis lend a hand, providing the travelers with the traditional Elvis food of meatloaf and fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Gandolf is around as well, but his spells generally don’t work and he forgets things a lot. And, of course, there’s Jollum, the weird creature who will stop at nothing to get his hands on the precious Ring Ding.
About the Author
Stuart Anderson is a writer living in the Washington, D.C. area.
“Too bad he didn’t finish off that Jollum character,” said Dodo.
I believe that Jollum’s fate is bound together with the fate of the
Ring Ding and that he may play some crucial part before the end,” said
“Foreshadowing,” commented Dodo.
“The important thing is that the evil Lord Sorehead has sent out Dark Riders to search for the Ring Ding of Power. If one of Sorehead’s Dark Riders finds you and the Ring Ding of Power, then all of Middling-earth will be enslaved and the world will be plunged into total darkness. It will be the end of all living things.”
“Well, I could move out on Thursday. Can you help me move?”
“No, I’m busy on Thursday. I have a doctor’s appointment,” said Gandolf.
Dodo looked at his calendar. “How about the following Wednesday?”
“No, I work out on Wednesdays,” said Gandolf.
The group moved outside. Gandolf climbed on his horse and helped up Pee-Pee.
“How long a ride to Mini Syrup?” asked Pee-Pee.
“Three days as the Izgull flies,” said Gandolf.
“What the hell’s an Izgull?” asked Pee-Pee.
But Gandolf’s answer was swallowed up by the sound of hoof beats speeding away. As he looked back at his friends, Pee-Pee thought of Dodo, the Shire, and their efforts to save all life as they knew it. Then, Gandolf farted.
Advance Praise for The Lord of the Ring Dings:
“This book really nails it. It tells what really happened.”
- Aragorn, King of Gondor
“I thought my part could have been bigger.”
- Arwen, Queen of Gondor
“Although I am a wizard I never would have predicted such a fine book. Wait, that sounds cheesy. No, don’t write that down.”
- Gandalf, a wizard
“I thought the portrayal of my great, great grand uncle was unfair. For example, he didn’t like fish that much.”
- Johann Sméagol III, Gollum’s great, great grand nephew
“I really wish there were more women in the story, or anywhere.”
- Gimli, son of Glóin
“I think I was much cooler in the movie, but in the book I was still pretty cool.”
“We no portrayed fair. Me no like.”
- Gorkran, an Orc